Six Sentence Sunday #19

My untitled WIP now has a title; “Flames of Thunder”. I have a new snippet from this to share but I am also going to include a revised version of last week’s snippet as well. Hopefully the SixSunday moderators won’t object to this slight deviation from the guidelines. I received some feedback regarding Jasper’s reaction that was very helpful in guiding the changes so I felt I should share how it now reads.

But first the current Six. This scene takes place after a combat between Arillia’s crew and the enemy. Jasper is injured and Gareth uses his magic to finish off the soldiers and save them from being overrun. The magic was effective but brutal.

    Bern aimed his crossbow at Gareth and stepped forward. Disgust warred with terror on the older man’s weather-beaten face.
    “What did you do?”
    “What I had to,” Gareth said, his attention now focussed on their fallen comrade.
    “Get away from him.”
    “Put it down!” Kit called from the shoreline, her crossbow now aimed at Bern.

You can find more Six Sentence writers here.

And now for the revised version of last week’s Six, with what is (hopefuly) a more understandable reaction from Jasper. Thank you for your comments I am appreciative.

    “What if that was your family in there?”
    Realisation dawned. Jasper’s home was in one of the hardest hit parts of town. “Selene and the twins?”
    His jaw tightened and he looked away, making no attempt to wipe his tears. He’d obviously seen a lot of death tonight.

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2 thoughts on “Six Sentence Sunday #19”

  1. Good six, Goran. I didn’t read last week’s so I have nothing to compare to; however, the revised version looks good to me. The one for this week was somewhat confusing, as I wasn’t sure who was who. Sometimes that happens with these snippets–too few words to give proper context. Still, the tension is there, the relationships come through, and your writing is solid. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Nicely done, Goran! I really liked the rewrite of last weeks. It portrays the man and why he reacts the way he did so much better! 🙂

    As for the new six, great tension. 🙂

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