Six Sentence Sunday #18

This snippet is the second from my still untitled WIP. The scene involves Arillia, who made such a acrobatic entrance a few weeks back, and Jasper, one of her militia squad. Her and her team were on their way to confront the enemy when they heard some cries for help among the rubble of a collapsed building. Arillia has a difficult decision to make. I hope you like it.

    “We can’t just ignore them!”
    He had a point, if they all worked together they might be able to free whoever was trapped under there and, judging from the faces of her team, he wasn’t alone in thinking it.
    “Listen,” Arillia began, “we can’t stop and help everyone between here and the docks. Sanders and the others are depending on us, there’s few enough of us as it is without leaving him to face the enemy alone.”
    “These are our people, what if that was your family in there?” Jasper made no attempt to hide his tears.

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4 thoughts on “Six Sentence Sunday #18”

  1. Strong emotions and quite a decision she’s facing. Kinda damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.

  2. I liked the scene, but I didn’t buy that Jasper would be in tears. The men I’ve met tend to express their desperation and frustration in anger. Tightening of the jaw, fists clenched, that sort of thing. Or even trying to out-calm their opponent in the discussion. Good luck with your WIP. 🙂

    1. Thanks for the feedback. I wasn’t really sure how to make Jasper react. I went down the emotional line since we soon learn that he lost his wife and kids in the attack. I’m still in the process of revision so I will definitely take your comments on board.

      Thanks for stopping by again, your visits are appreciated.

  3. I do like your writing style. Like Siobhan said, men do tend to express many emotions through anger. But while Jasper’s reaction isn’t how one would expect a man to react, I would need to know what all happened before this snippet as well as his background to know if it is not appropriate. I’ve seen guys cry on Survivor when they’ve been away from their families for 2 weeks. Also, it depends on the kind of character you’re trying to create.

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